stress...jokes...

hello people, some (corporate) jokes to lighten up your day if u are feeling stress from exams, suffering from 'sch reopen' blues or feeling paranoid over the h1n1 pandemic. haha.

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! Soon, a farmer passed by and heard the little bird chirping. Seeing the poor creature covered with dung, he decided to help the bird get out of the mess and placed it under a shrub. By this time, the bird was feeling warm and chirpy. and A cat passing by heard the sounds, saw the bird and ate it up.

Morals of the story?
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) When you’re in deep shit, it might be better just to keep your mouth shut.

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

The moral of the story?
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

The moral of the story?
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and Crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember psalm 129?” The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember psalm 129?” Once again the priest apologized. “Sorry sister, but the mind is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm129. It said, “Go forth and seek; further up, and you will find glory.”

The moral of the story?
Always be well informed in your job; Or you might miss a great opportunity.
jj at 01/07/09 3:40 PM | 0 comments

last wk of hols

oh man. like my title has suggested, it's the LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL HOLIDAYS and there will be no extension of holidays due to H1N1 or any normal lessons conducted or most importantly, exams postponed or cancelled. haha. zzz... sian. 3 more days to sch reopen. i really dun wan and i guess all of us also don't want. :((( btw, life in the past few days has been mundane. nth much worth blogging about. so much so for this post until my BT2 is over on wk 2.

CHIONG AR!
jj at 25/06/09 5:21 PM | 0 comments

“When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.”

- Lisa Unger, Beautiful Lies

saw this on xx's blog. meaningful i guess?

on a lighter note, while surfing on the web, i found this funny 'quote' and here it goes:

'Sex is like math; you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply.'

HAHAHA....
jj at 16/06/09 3:11 AM | 2 comments

wk 2 of hols...

week 2 of hols was a super sian week for me. monday was a half studying and half stoning day. spent the morning doing some readings, then afternoon lag, at night watch tv then slp le. tuesday, went for ns checkup at depot road at the central manpower base. started with photo taking, urine test, blood test, eye, ear, teeth, checks, xray, ecg, height & weight and photo taking etc... lastly, it was the computer test. we waited for abt 30mins before it was our turn because there are limited computer terminals and each person roughly take abt 2 to 3 hours to take the super duper long test. basically this test will determine which vocation u get into and it tests u on your logic, reactions speed, physics, ability to follow instructions etc. so they will have many sections and may ask you on sequences, etc. alot of sections la. do until super shag and sian diao. i think i took 3 hours to complete the computer test. so my whole medical checkup started at 1030am until 330pm. by the time we finish everything, me, stan and alan were hungry to the max. had botak jones at a nearby hawker centre and we met junhao by coincidence and we chu some stunt there. haha. one day of the hols gone like that. then went to msia to attend my cousin's wedding dinner and returned on thursday. friday, went to ecp to cycle with my odac j1s. from carpark c3 to changi village, paris ris park and then we explored abit of pasir ris before returning back to ecp. quite relaxing and felt quite shuang after not going out for so many days to do smth fun. another day of the hols gone. lol. the next day evening, met up with my PA jnrs and watched them play pool and bowling. then we proceeded to gombak for zhi char and prata. just a mini gathering but it was good enough la. :D

tdy was a super fun day. went to tbcc with wc in the morning. waited for like 1 hour before the bike hike post mortem started. went through everything and then we went for lunch. waited for another 1 hour before the post mortem with the j1s started again. everything ended at like 430pm. supposed to go sembawang park to meet up with han, khym, char, ru, ps and stan de. but i think it's abit too late lah. so in the end i ended following the hc oac for our retreat. spent a long time deciding on where to go. went to orchard and dhoby gaut there, sat at istana park to eat and chit chat. there were seriously alot of food sia. burger king, kfc, ljs, kobayashi, subway and doughnuts. eat until bao zha. haha. after that still got cakes for june babies - lifern, debbie, eileen and me. after that, some of them left home, others planned to watch movie, while me, wc, kanzy and alex went to L4D. super thrilling sia. haha. hooked liao. we will be back for more! haha. ;) went to arcade to play somemore before retiring for the day. super fun day. :D

2 weeks of hols left...
jj at 15/06/09 4:47 PM | 1 comments

don't know what to write

wednesday went to sch for 2 lessons, celebrated looyee's bdae before going home. next day went out with PA batch to celebrate my belated birthday. haha. went to watch terminator salvation again, then we went to have dinner tgth at dhoby exchange. their treat! lol. thanks guys. the subsequent days were spent at home nua-ing. zzz... sian.

3 wks of hols left.
jj at 07/06/09 5:18 PM | 1 comments

Saints ODAC 08/09 farewell

tuesday, had lessons as normal. ended at 1230pm. then went to vivo to watch terminator salvation with alan and hiren at 2pm. the movie was like quite nice if u like lotsa of actions. the sound effect is certainly ear defeaning and i could feel the vibration of the sound waves. lol. some parts of plot were linked to the other series of terminator and certainly unlimited action. then after that, went to alan's hse to change and get rdy for snr farewell. went back to vivo and bought some small gifts for your jnrs at candy empire. then went down to pp mrt. all the j2s were there already and linda brought us to her house. it was somewhere near sch, but wasn't near enough to walk though. lol. upon reaching, we soon got into the mood of playing. some playing with guitar hero, some playing cluedo, some playing mahjong. haha. after that, yeo started the farewell with a short speech followed by me. when everything was done, we helped ourselves with the food. the mee siam was exceptionally nice. haha. eat eat eat, talk talk talk etc... then we all settled down for a short game of charade. was quite hilarious lah. *cheok cheok cheok* haha. then we continued with a bit of own stuff before having our presents exchange. the jnrs giving to us, followed by snrs to jnrs. cam-whore. clean up and soon we left.

time sure flies. at this time last year, i think we were attending our ltc at changi. looking back, this 1 year spent in odac has been really short and i would say intermittent due to the various breaks for exams and holidays. although we did spent enjoyable times tgth but i guess it wasn't enough. perhaps we could spend more time tgth. perhaps we could do more things and be less laid back. nevertheless, our chapter in sa odac has come to an end and i think everyone will just move on from here. :D
jj at 04/06/09 2:18 AM | 0 comments

1st june 2009

hello everyone. first of all, thanks to all those who wished me a happy birthday. i think i replied to every wellwishes, regardless of whether it is by sms, msn, fb, face to face, etc. haha. went to sch for lessons, then went to cathay with ruu, han, charlene, khym and alan to watch monsters vs aliens 3D. first time watching a movie in 3D though, but not much diff leh. haha. was quite funny la, esp bob, the squirmy blue-green thingy. then left for rv to meet up with stan, hj and dl with alan. went to holland v, coffee cafe and chatted until the evening. then we left. haha. quite heart warming to always meet up with frens. then went home and celebrated with my family.

tmr is going to be odac farewell le. how time flies. i think at this time last year, we were going to attend our ltc. haha.

memories...nostalgia...=)
jj at 01/06/09 4:16 PM | 0 comments